hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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