haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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