and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
FUCK WHALES
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
