Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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