i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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