So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we made out on top of his cat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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