I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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