No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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