When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
