I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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