I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
