I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
