i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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