Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
