You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
