I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
