I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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