we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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