Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
