Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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