His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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