You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
cat food counts as protein by the way
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize