So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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