Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
