Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
