We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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