Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
