You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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