new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize