He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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