p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
