just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
