We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
