u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
