Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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