just come out here and I will go home with you...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize