i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
