his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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