then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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