So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He has the fingertips of a God
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
