Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
