Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
