things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
