My hand turned me down
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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