i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
