I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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