So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize