he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She even gives head with a lisp.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
