I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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