yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
