Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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