Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
