sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
