My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
