she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
