someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
