You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
