Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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