I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
