There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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