that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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