Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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