He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
