i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
