The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
