We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
