Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
