Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My balls are so social today.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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