just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
