Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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