Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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