u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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