I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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