Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
