Christians are straight up FREAKS
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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