Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
