It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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