I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
