Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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