the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
