thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
