it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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