2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
