Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
