porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
