I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
