I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
These tits shall not be calmed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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