You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
