I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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